Nov 1, 2022

The Child Assassin Inside You

My clients have overcome childhoods marked by real trauma. They are survivors of childhood physical abuse, sexual violence, caregiver mental illness, and parental incarceration. As children, some even had to flee their home country and come to America on refugee and asylum status.  Others lived through constant fighting and chaos in their childhood homes.

Who are these brave souls today, as adults?

I will tell you and I promise you you will be absolutely floored. It’s the story of trauma survivors that doesn’t get told enough. And I want you to brace yourself.

Where are adult survivors of unthinkable childhood trauma I described earlier? I can tell you where my clients are because I work with them every single day. Here it is —

They are gentle and loving parents and grandparents. They discipline from a place of respect rather than fear. They are community members who give back to those they love, even the people who bet against them and hurt them. They are not petty, they are forgiving. They are  lawyers, they are doctors, they are engineers, and psychologists. They work hard and pride themselves on being niche experts in their field. They are diligent and comprehensive at work, recognizing that the devil is in the details. They don’t hold balances on their credit cards. They don’t live paycheck to paycheck. They are investors in the stock market and in real estate.They are not rich, they are wealthy.  

They learned every single thing on their own. They read, they learned. They befriended people on the right track. They sought mentor-ship.

My clients are the minority of people who BROKE THE TRAUMA CYCLE. And I am amazed by them every single single moment. Each day I am honored that they chose to partner with me on their continued recovery from trauma. They vowed that their lives as adults would be markedly different than the childhoods they survived. And they did it.

Does this sound like you? Because if it does, I want to see if this next idea resonates for you.

Despite all the success and growth and wise choices, my clients come to therapy because they are still missing one big piece to the “I got the hell out and I’m never going back” puzzle….Their bodies and minds will not allow them to enjoy their success.

Want to learn more about What is mental health, exactly? Click HERE

I know It sounds like I’m talking about the mind and body as separate entities from a person. And In a way — yes, I am saying that. There are some trauma responses that have been replayed in our minds and bodies so many times they become ingrained and habituated. Meaning, our bodies and minds will respond from a place of “danger” automatically when there is no trigger for danger.  

Do you think you’re in this category but aren’t sure? Consider these questions and let’s figure it out together.

Do you feel nervous, scared, or tense even when your environment is safe and calm?

  • Do you have an overwhelming sense of dread without a known cause?
  • Do you worry constantly about things that are well within your control?
  • Do you have insomnia or nightmares that keep you up?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, there’s a really good likelihood your body and mind are habituated to trauma responses.

The bad news is that there is no amount of reading or affirmations or talking that will change your unconscious trauma response. The good news is that we have cutting edge treatments like EMDR, cognitive processing therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy that can change your unconscious trauma response.

I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I know you don’t shy away from a challenge, especially if it means moving farther away from chronic stress and trauma.

If you want to take another step in breaking the trauma cycle, I am here for you 100% of the way. And, if now is not the time, I totally trust your judgement. I believe in you, friend. And, I’m celebrating all that you’ve overcome and continue to overcome every single day.

I just finished watching Laura Ego-Chega’s video on the assassin who lives inside each of us.  That’s right. Laura argues that there is an assassin inside each of us. And that assassin tells us all kind of nonsense — it minimizes our accomplishments, it convinces us we’re worthless, it compares us to others, and that’s just the half  of it. I won’t even try to explain it now— you’ve got to watch it for yourself, so after you’re done here, navigate over to Laura’s video and check it out.

Until then, I’m here to tell you a little secret. You know that totally sus mean assassin that scares you out of pursuing your dreams? It has that booming voice that GOES OFF before you open your eyes and doesn’t stop till you go to bed — it’s that voice that tells you — “Don’t do that, maybe you’ll fail”. It’s that nasty simp inside of you that says, “Better not challenge your boss, you could get fired”. Just when you’re about to get after it— that one thing you REALLY REALLY WANT, it’s the voice that says, “You’re not really worth it, get back in your place.”  We all have that voice inside of us, the assassin.

But let me tell YOU something — and don’t sleep on this, my friends —

That big, bad assassin — the one that’s got you so deeply in check you don’t even make a move without it — well get this —

That assassin is actually a LITTLE CHILD playing dress up. Underneath the mean face, the cruel words, the loud voice…underneath all of that is a scared little kid. You heard it here first — and I’m about to tell you something else about that little kid —

And when I tell you this it’s gonna HIT DIFFERENTLY. Why?

Because that little kid is YOU. That LITTLE KID. That little kid is YOU.  That big, bad assassin is actually your younger self, scared as all hell, dressed up as a cold, hard killer to stay safe. In order to keep YOU safe. That little child inside - the one in that assassin costume - is doing everything it can to keep you safe.

Maybe you’re asking - what is this child-turned assassin keeping me safe from?

It’s keeping you safe from pain. From disappointment. From heartache and suffering. You experienced that enough when you were a kid, right? And that child turned assassin inside of you never wants you to go through it again. It’s keeping your life small so you feel safe and secure. That’s pretty ingenious for a little kid, don’t you think?

When I work with clients, the first thing I do is learn about the scared little kid - turned assassin they have inside.

I just met with a client — let’s call her Melissa — she’s a VP at a Fortune 50 company and has been for over 5 years. Her track record is GOLD — She’s been promoted every single year, exceeded all milestones. She is loved by her team. And get this? She told me that HER child-assassin convinces her on a daily basis that she’s one wrong move away from getting fired. It tells her —

  • “Don’t present at the board meeting, you’re horrible at public speaking”
  • “Even though people act as if they like you, they really hate you.”
  • “Remember that really dumb thing you did in 6th grade? You feel a little smaller, right? Good, get back in your place!”.

I’ve spent 10 years learning how to access the child-assin in each of us. And the first thing I did with this client was to CARETAKE — yes, CARETAKE, the child-assassin that lived inside of her. When the child inside that assassin costume is loved and validated — as that child should have been IN YOUR ACTUAL CHILDHOOD —  it will back off. It will get quieter. It will follow your lead.

After all, YOU are the adult. YOU are the parent. YOU are in charge.

Want to make friends with the child-turned-assassin inside YOU and get the CEO status back for your life?

I’ve got you! Reach out and tell me about the child-assassin inside of you! And let’s get to work.

If you want to talk to a licensed therapist, click HERE to learn more about Dr. Cammy